Category: Joke Board
Six Classic Affairs
The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM .
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take
his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied,
"I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying skunk!
You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
always talked about having a son. They decided to try one
last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied,
"Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair:
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,
"I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive
private part.
It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and
took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said
to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed,
"Schwartz is dead?!?!"
The 4th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when
she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied.
"The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and
returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and
nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked,
"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied,
"Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked,
"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his
business down here."
The 6th Affair:
Michael was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister,
your best friend,
her best friend, and
your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied.
"Now just rest and let the poison work."
New Study A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
has discovered that at people with insufficient brain and sexual activity
read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off
now, it's too late.
Funny Carla.
Those are great.
Thanks.
Bob